also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
