Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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