At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
