If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
