Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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