just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
