I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
