The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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