used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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