I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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