belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
