Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
