I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize