dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
