Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh god it's open bar.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
