he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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