Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
