Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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