I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
