the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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