i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
