Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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