He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
