Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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