and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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