When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
