I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize