i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
