She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
