you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
