i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
