I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
