something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
