You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
