saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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