Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
wow bdsm is so cute
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