We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
