so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
