Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize