so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
