Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
