to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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