If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
