Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
