Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
