YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
