If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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