as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
