oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
