FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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