When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He felt like a one man threesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
wow bdsm is so cute
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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