think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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