My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
