Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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