i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
