At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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