his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
