Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
