We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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