You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
