I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize