There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
