i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
