no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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