My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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