Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
