You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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