How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize