I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
