all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize