yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
