this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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