Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
