I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
