Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
