Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
