I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
