Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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