I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
