I'm gonna have a badass scar
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
