I'm drive I can fine osifer
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
