So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
