Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
