Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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