Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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