Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize