I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
