yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
