After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
