Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
