My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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