your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
