Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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