Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
