I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
